I've been in a so so depression. My anxiety and insomnia have been playing a wide part in this, as well as some personal family related things that have been happening .

My attitude in general has shifted, before I was more occupied and happy. Now recently In the past few months I've taken note. Since a certain turn of events in my life, I have found myself in a runt per say. It feels like whatever joy I used to occupy myself with recently has been dripped away, and now majority of the time due to my homeschooling, I stay at home and on my laptop majority of the day, REGARDLESS of what I say to try and persuaded my parents to get me out and about.

The only time I generally get out is during/around summer, and since something involving my father has happened, I won't have a care nor an actual human being to talk to for some time. Maybe three weeks to six months, even possibly longer. Con season is almost here, and sure cosplays are going great, but I can't even see my girlfriend when I go this year...

For fucks sake.

Not to mention everyday I seem to get in an argument about SOMETHING. Whether it be how I react to others, my choice in speaking etc etc...

I don't know, majority of my roleplay partners haven't talked to me in almost a week and a half now..regardless if I send a message and they're still online. I also got mistaken for a guy for almost two hours straight on a Left For Dead match, where as I got called a bitch and a liar, tranny, shemale, chick-with-a-dick and more.

Bringing me into my final statement; Around the time I was still in school, I would often dress like a boy. The reason was that I usually got picked on for being taller then everyone else in the fucking school and profiled as a giant flunk, even through I have never actually flunked, nor was I THAT tall then, and wanted to hang out with the
Popular' girls. Anyways, more often then not, I would go use my brothers clothes and try to convince my mum to let me cut off my hair. Even my grandmother insisted then that I was going to turn out as a lesbian. Which...well...after half a year of trying to fix myself and become whatever I thought would earn peoples respect, I discovered about a year or two ago that I was bisexual.  Well, I sorta knew that since I was little, but never really knew what to think of myself up until now.

I don't know. Just seems like shit has barley been getting better this Saturday...